THE ALEX CITY QUIZ 2015
27th April 2015 - Conway Hall

The sixth annual Alex City Quiz took place on April 27th 2015. It was contested by twenty teams, most of them having names containing smutty double entendres, designed to induce schoolboyish sniggers when the quizmaster had to read them out.

This was a duty that normally would have fallen to regular presenter Robert Bathurst. However he was unable to host the event as he was treading the boards in "Who Cares?" at the Royal Court. In a pre-recorded video apology he explained that the play was about the NHS, a subject very dear to Alex's heart, due to the number of highly lucrative PFI initiatives it has offered to City bankers.

The slightly muted nature of the audible sigh which accompanied the announcement of Robert's absence was a testament to the largely male nature of the assembled quizzers. In his place the emcee responsibilities for the evening were assumed by the joint question setters: Russell Taylor, writer of the Alex cartoon, and Marcus Berkmann, journalist and author of books on cricket, parenthood, midlife crises and, naturally, quizzing.

With the house rules having been reiterated ("The quizmaster is always right even when he's wrong". Not unlike financial markets at the moment..) and the array of mobile communication devices these days carried by City bankers switched off the quiz was ready to start.

 

In deference to this year's new venue, Conway Hall in Holborn, the home of the oldest free thought organisation in the UK, the quizzers' lateral thinking abilities were put to the test with questions like "The name of which ballet is the same as a warning shout in football?" and "The call for which number in Bingo may have to change on May 8th this year?" (as it happens it didn't..)

The second (and, as it proved, toughest) round tested the contestants' flair for numbers. The third round paid tribute to this year's charity - Treloar School for disabled children - and featured ten questions about schools - both real and fictional. The teams revealed an in-depth knowledge of the names of head teachers at Grange Hill and public schools attended by posh young British actors.

The catering for the half time interval supper was provided by Karina and Katrina of Russian Revels and featured dishes with names such as Red October beetroot pie and Putin's Pantry dessert. However the contestants were given no respite from their quizzing obligations and had to ponder the picture round as they tucked into their Soviet savouries. This round featured photographs of twenty celebrities bearing the name either Alex or Clive. The quizzers had little difficulty identifying the likes of Alex Salmond and Clive Anderson, but struggled a little more with Clive Sinclair and a rather youthful Alex Ferguson. Impressively over 60% of the teams managed to identify horror writer Clive Barker, and every man in the room aged over 50 recognised Alexandra Bastedo from her vital pre-pubescent fantasy role in "The Champions" (for anyone reading this who is aged less than 50, I should explain that it was a 1960s sci-fi TV series).

After supper the brilliant keyboard improviser Harry the Piano took to the ivories for the live music round. He had recently been seen on Newsnight setting the election manifestos of the various political parties to music. He entertained and teased the audience in equal measure with a round entitled London A-Z which featured songs about the capital. Though most of the quizzers recognised Baker Street and A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square, a ragtime version of London Bridge is Falling Down and a rendition of Abba's Waterloo in the style of Mozart were more challenging, as was Harry's Wagnerian extemporisation on London Calling by the Clash. As an encore he rattled off a bonus tune he had been unable to include in the main round - Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Ealing"... The quiz concluded with the initial round, which seems like an oxymoron, but all made sense to those who were there.

The Teams

The snowball is an annual favourite at the Alex City Quiz. During the evening quizzers had been invited to deposit their business card (attached to a £20 note for the charity) in a hat. At the end of the main quiz a card was drawn at random and Russell dialled the mobile number on it. The person who answered was Christopher Britton of Liberum, who was summoned to the stage to answer a question about Alex: "which profession is Alex generally most scathing about? Is it (a) Accountants, (b) Barristers, or (c) Compliance Officers?" Perhaps being a banker himself gave him some insight, but Christopher correctly identified the answer as (c) and was duly presented with that day's framed original Alex cartoon.

The result of the overall quiz was a third victory in a row for Alex Stewart's team "I'm Not the Quizmaster I'm a Very Naughty Boy." This prompted immediate accusations of market rigging and calls for a referral to the Financial Conduct Authority. Undeterred, the Naughty Boys insisted on prising the trophy that they had been denied in previous wins off the quizmasters and absconding into the night. They had got only three questions wrong all evening. In general scores were very high with eighteen out of the twenty teams scoring over 50%. Was the quiz not sufficiently intellectually rigorous or were the teams just rather brainy? Who can say? But as Marcus has always observed: no contestant has ever been known to complain if a quiz is too easy.. Anyway, why not judge for yourself?

Here is the first round in full:

1. Which country has been invited to make a one-off appearance in the 60th anniversary Eurovision Song Contest next month, despite being even further away from Europe than even Israel?

2. Today is the birthday of American inventor Samuel Morse (born 1791). To spell out the word MORSE in Morse Code requires an equal number of dots and dashes. How many of each?

3. Books on whose bookshelf include ‘Brighton Roquefort’, ‘The Hunt For Red Leicester’, ‘East Of Edam’, ‘Grated Expectations’, ‘Waiting For Gouda’ and ‘Swiss Cheese Family Robinson’?

4. The phrase ‘What happens here, stays here’ is a registered trade mark owned by, and used in advertisements for, which US city?

5. Which Heinz product has a speed limit? According to the company website, ‘if it pours unaided at more than 0.028 mph, it’s rejected for sale.’

6. What took place five times in the UK in the Twentieth Century - in 1912, 1926, 1972, 1974 and, most notoriously, 1984-5 - but is unlikely ever to happen again?

7. The title of which ballet is also a warning shout in football?

8. Which scarf, knitted by a lady called Begonia Pope in the mid-1970s, now has its own website?

9. The call for which bingo number may change on May 8th this year?

10. Can tigers swim?

 

Time's up. Here are the answers:

ANSWERS

1. Australia.
2. Six. (dash dash - dash dash dash - dot dash dot - dot dot dot - dot)
3. Wallace (from Wallace & Gromit).
4. Las Vegas.
5. Tomato ketchup.
6. National miners' strikes.
7. Manon (man on)
8. Tom Baker's in Dr Who.
9. Number 10 (always called after the current prime minister, eg Dave's Den, Tony's Den, Maggie's Den etc)
10. Yes they can. (They often have to cross rivers in their jungle habitats to pursue their prey. They can easily swim up to three or four miles in one go, and up to 18 miles in a day.)

If this has whetted your appetite to enter a team for next year's Alex City Quiz, then sign up to our mailing list to receive advance details of the event.

ALEX CITY QUIZ 2015 was brought to you by:



  ROBERT BATHURST
The evening's proceedings will be hosted by the sublimely talented Mr Robert Bathurst, of Cold Feet, Downton Abbey and Toast of London fame, who will reprise what was undoubtedly his greatest stage and radio role - that of Alex Masterley himself.
    HARRY THE PIANO
Keyboard improviser extraordinaire Harry - described by Jonathan Ross as "the best damned pianist in the civilised world" - will perform a live music round from the ivories (so please none of you give him a corporate gig on the same night).

www.harrythepiano.com
 

  MARCUS BERKMANN
Co-quiz-setter Marcus Berkmann writes for the Spectator and Private Eye and has authored books on cricket, fatherhood, mid-life crises and, of course, quizzing. He runs the legendary Tuesday night quiz at the Prince of Wales in Highgate.
    CONWAY HALL
Built in 1929 on the site of the Raglan Music Hall in Bloomsbury - the then hotbed of intellectual radicalism in London - this Grade II listed building is today the home of the world's oldest surviving free-thought organisation.

www.conwayhall.org.uk
 


  RUSSIAN REVELS
Zakuski, pirozhki and other slavic snacks will be provided by Karina and Katrina of Russian Revels, purveyors of stylish Soviet cuisine to the bourgeoisie. Rest assured that no sanctions busting has taken place to secure their services.

www.russianrevels.co.uk
    TRELOAR SCHOOL
Founded by Sir William Purdie Treloar, Lord Mayor of the City of London, in 1908, Treloar School has now become one of the country's leading providers of education, care and therapy to around 200 disabled young people.

www.treloar.org.uk


Quiz illustration